


on a cruel angle

by teeterss



Category: Metal Gear
Genre: Eventual Smut, M/M, Mild Blood, Minor Violence, Pre-Peace Walker, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 17:29:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13980009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teeterss/pseuds/teeterss
Summary: It wasn’t as though Kaz was scared of Snake, not usually, even though every rational part of his mind continually screamed at him to be. He just had a healthy amount of self preservation.





	on a cruel angle

The guard on duty outside the cabin being used as Kaz’s office stopped him with a polite “Excuse me, sir”. Kaz, who was usually up before the morning shift, was already running late and a further delay put him in an even fouler mood.

“Yes, what is it?” he gritted out.

“The boss was here earlier looking for you, asking where you were.”

Kaz pushed his sunglasses up the bridge of his nose to mask the panic that flashed briefly across his face, a simple trick he’d learnt early on in his career in negotiations.

“He did, did he? Well, what did you tell him?”

“Just that I hadn’t seen you this morning, sir. Wasn’t my place to speculate.”

“And when was this?”

“About half an hour, sir.”

Kaz gave a curt nod. “Right, good, that’s fine. If you see him again tell him I’m in. I need to speak with him anyway.” That was the last thing Kaz wanted right now but it wouldn’t do for the men to think anything was wrong between their two commanding officers. Best make it seem like a simple miscommunication.

Smoothing down his unusually wrinkled shirt, Kaz gave the man another nod before disappearing into his office.

Inside, he slumped down behind his desk, weary before the day had even properly begun. The backed-up reports piled up in front of him were screaming for his attention but he couldn’t focus on work right now. His thoughts, like they did so often of late, kept returning to his boss.

Snake seeking him out wasn’t a problem in itself. They had been living virtually in each other’s pockets over the last few months as they built up the MSF together. The problem was that Snake now knew Kaz hadn’t been in his office that morning, and because he liked to keep his leash on Kaz rather tight, he’d then go in search for the why. And being the boss, he would, of course, find it, then come back to Kaz and… there was the problem.

It wasn’t as though Kaz was scared of Snake, not usually, even though every rational part of his mind continually screamed at him to be. He just had a healthy amount of self preservation. And a very weak will when it came to the fairer sex. 

This one had been called Lola. She was a new recruit Snake had picked up somewhere on his last mission busting up a drug smuggling ring for a rival competitor. Their camp must have had more cash to spare than theirs, or been less savvy with rationing, as she’d still smelt of perfume and smoked those expensive cocktail cigarettes with the gold filters. Lola had been very homesick and very beautiful, and Kaz was just being a gentleman when he’d offered her a comforting drink the previous night. Taking care of the soldiers was his job after all.

And when she’d coyly swept the hair back away from her neck and asked him to stay the night, well, he could never say no to a pretty face. 

The fact she was on the afternoon shift and didn’t have a morning alarm set wasn’t something Kaz had considered before he’d accepted her offer.

Kaz was a good liar, a great one even, it’s what made him so good at his job, but Snake had a way of sniffing the truth out of him. If he came in here asking if Kaz had slept with yet another officer after being warned not to, Kaz probably wouldn’t be able to talk his way out of an other disciplining. Probably. 

Kaz grimaced at the idea. It wasn’t like Snake had been subtle about letting his objections about Kaz’s promiscuity known before.

He used the heel of his hand to rub away a trickle of sweat that ran down from his temples. He felt stale and grim, and desperately wanted a shower but he didn’t dare spend any more time away from his post to take one. He could use a change of clothes too. After spending the night in a heap on a dusty tent floor, his current ones weren’t exactly fresh.

The blare of the desk phone startled him out of his self pity. He yanked it off the hook and was met with a barrage of angry Spanish. Apparently he’d missed a few calls in his absence before this one.

On any other day, it’d take him a few clever lines to placate the potential client on the other end of the line and probably get them a bargain deal while he was at it, but today his patience was already paper thin and playing nice with a bureaucrat was the last thing on his mind. When he eventually set down the phone, he’d managed to secure an other potential job to show the boss but he’d lost what was left of his morning.

He was just scribbling down the last of his notes from the call, when the man himself appeared in the doorway.

“Good, you’ve finished,” Snake said as he ambled into the room, looking as alarming large as ever. “Took a bit longer than usual, Kaz.” Kaz cringed. Of course he’d noticed that.

“You didn’t have to wait outside while I took it, boss. Should have just come right in.” Kaz did a quick assessment of Snake’s body language as he spoke. He didn’t seem angry, but it was often so hard to tell. Snake wasn’t exactly an expressive guy. The way you usually found out if he was pissed off was by having his hand around your throat.

“It sounded important. Didn’t want to disturb.” 

“It wasn’t really, just another job offer. We’ve been getting so many lately that losing one doesn’t mean what it used to.” Kaz licked his dry lips, then slipped into an easy smile. “MSF is really starting to mean something out there. It carries weight. Or maybe that’s just the name ‘Big Boss’.” 

Snake just let out one of those infuriating grunts of his that set Kaz’s teeth on edge. He used it for far too many circumstances, Kaz could never get a proper read on what he was thinking. 

Snake made his way around to the chair opposite Kaz’s desk and folded into it, propping a foot up on a knee, regarding him expectantly.

“I think we’re actually going to have a choice in what job you take next, isn’t that a luxury? No more having to settle for just anything that comes along. Couldn’t say that a few months ago, could we?”

“No, we couldn’t,” Snake agreed.

“I haven’t committed to any of them yet, I thought I should run them by you first.”

“Alright, Kaz.” Snake struck a match off the heel of his boot, a neat trick Kaz always wanted to learn just for the showmanship of it, and lit a cigar, giving it a suck. “Lay them on me.”

Kaz eagerly manoeuvred around to the front of his desk to lean back against it. Even though he enjoyed the false sense of power sitting behind his desk while addressing the boss gave him, there was something special about standing close to the man, almost like a gravitational pull that Kaz couldn’t break free from. 

“We’ve got some good ones here, boss.” He flipped through his notes on his clipboard until he found the right page. “Here we are; first one’s an extraction job, not too far off the coast. Some higher up got himself kidnapped by a local gang, family needs him rescued. Nothing too major, just a ransom job, I figured. Probably only need a small team for it.” Kaz glanced up from his notes to gauge Snake’s reaction but he wasn’t giving him anything. Still just chewing on his cigar.

“Now, I know babysitting isn't your favourite job in the world, but this next one could get us some serious connections. Some Venezuelan officials — you heard one on the phone just now — want protection crossing the border. My guess is they’ve been a bit naughty so can’t ask for official government help. Big payout, little risk. The only thing really in danger is your patience.”

Snake huffed out what he considered a laugh along with a plume of smoke and Kaz grinned up at him over his glasses. “Last one’s a take out. Some assassin’s been a bit too vocal after a job, needs shutting up. This one’s probably the toughest, they’ve got a high body count behind them — no match for you obviously — but it pays well and should keep you entertained.”

Kaz folded his hands over the clipboard on his thigh, leaning back against the desk. “That’s just the offers for this month but enough to be getting on with. So, anything catch your eye?”

Snake rolled his cigar between forefinger and thumb as he considered the options. “What do you think?”

“Me?” Kaz wasn’t expecting that.

“I keep telling you, Kaz, this is a partnership. You do good work and I value your opinion. I want to know what you think is best.” Kaz floundered for a moment under the weight of the compliment. Was it a test? Did Snake already have his mind made up and want to see if Kaz agreed with him?

“The Venezuelans,” Kaz said in a rush before taking a breath and starting again. “The Venezuelans have a lot of political clout, the job may be boring but it’d be good to get some favours in the bank. Word is they’re on the take too. Could come in handy.”

Snake nodded slowly. “Fine, we’ll go with that one. I’ll just have to bring a book along for the road.” 

Kaz laughed, partially from relief. “I’ll lend you one, just finished a good one on Alexander the Great.”

Snake grunted. “You know I’m not into that greek stuff, Kaz.”

“I think you’ll like this one.” Kaz was still smiling when Snake heaved himself up. It wasn’t how he was expecting their meeting to go but he wasn’t going to complain about it.

“I’ll leave you in peace to start the ball rolling on that job. And try not to piss that guy off any further. It’ll be hard to call in favours later if there’s bad blood.”

“Be charming, you got it, boss.” Kaz flashed a casual two fingered salute.

There was a pause. “Just one more thing, Kaz.”

“What’s that, boss?” Kaz said, not looking up from where he’d begun amending his notes on the job. When he didn’t get a reply, he glanced up to see Snake not a foot away from him. He jumped, dropping his clipboard that fell to the cabin floor with a loud clatter. The way the great hulking mass of his boss could move so silently was incredibly unnerving sometimes. 

“Jesus, boss, you scared the shit out of me,” Kaz laughed, clutching at his chest where his heart was threatening to beat out of it. Snake didn’t smile back. He just stared at him, considering silently, sucking on his cigar and making the embers glow. Dread sank like a stone in the pit of Kaz’s stomach. He straightened up, fingers unconsciously curling around the edge of the desk for support. 

“You’re starting to spook me a little, Snake,” he grinned in an attempt to keep the air light. Again, Snake didn’t reply. Instead he reached around Kaz to stub out his cigar in the ashtray on his desk. The act brought them so close that they were almost touching, Snake’s hot breath fanning out against Kaz’s neck. Kaz was sure he’d be able to feel the pounding of his heart from where they were almost pressed together.

“You’re looking a little shabby today, Kaz,” Snake said in a rumble that reverberated around the base of Kaz’s skull. “It won't do for the men to see you like this. You set the standard that they follow.” Kaz barely restrained a flinch as Snake raised his hand, but all he did was tug Kaz’s scarf straight.

“Sorry, boss, guess I was in a bit of a rush this morning. It won't happen again,” Kaz said, his breath short.

“You sure about that, Kaz?”

“You know me,” Kaz gave a nervous grin, “I like to look my best.”

Snake’s large hand moved to smooth down the rumpled shoulder of his shirt in a way that would be soothing if it were anyone else, but instead made Kaz want to cringe away from the touch. 

Snake then moved as fast as his namesake and got his grip around Kaz’s forearm, pulling him even closer towards him and squeezed down hard. Kaz let out a gasp as he felt his bones grind together under his hold and tried to squirm away from him.

“The thing is, Kaz,” Snake said, so close Kaz could taste the smoke from his breath on his tongue, “you say you won’t do it again, and I want to believe you, but you also said you’d stop sleeping around and yet that’s exactly what you were doing last night, wasn’t it?”

An overwhelming part of Kaz in that moment wanted to continue fighting against that crushing grip on his arm. He couldn’t stand the patronising, arrogant way Snake was speaking to him. He would preach about their equality and partnership, then do shit like this. The worst part was that Kaz actually felt guilty for it. It made him want to bare his neck and accept his punishment and it made him sick.

But after far too much experience of going head to head against Snake, he knew that this was a fight he’d never come out on top of. If he struggled against him now, he’d probably end up with a broken arm for his trouble as part of another lesson, and a commander without a writing arm was next to useless. Kaz couldn’t have that, not at this crucial time for the MSF. Best thing to do was to suck up his pride and roll with the punches.

His only act of defiance he could dare was to raise his jaw, jutting and proud, and to keep his shielded eyes level with his boss, as he let his arm go slack under his fingers. 

“Not got anything to say?” Snake grunted. “Unusual for you, Kaz.”

“What would be the point?” Kaz said bluntly.

Snake smiled. “You’re right. It would be pointless.” He slipped his hold down to Kaz’s wrist. His thumb was soft as it brushed over the delicate skin at Kaz’s pulse, then hard as it pressed down over the cluster of veins. Kaz bit the inside of his cheek to stop any sound from passing his lips. 

Snake then brought Kaz’s hand up to his face and pressed his fingers to his mouth. For one wild moment Kaz thought he was going to kiss them, but instead Snake breathed in a deep breath through his nose, sniffing deeply. “See,” he said, eye flashing up to bore into Kaz’s, “I can still smell her pussy on you.”

Kaz let out a sharp gasp. Something hot flared in his gut. Snake was like an animal sniffing out the marking scent of a mate. It was so horribly primal Kaz’s mind went passed fear to just plain arousal.

“And how would you know what pussy smells like?” he said, voice low, before his brain could catch up to him. 

There was a beat where Snake just looked at him, his expression flat and unreadable, before he chuckled and released Kaz’s wrist. The air around them seemed to clear of it’s headiness and Kaz could breathe again.

“I should give you a thumping for that, but I need you on setting up that new mission.” Kaz nodded, not daring to speak lest he say something that made Snake take it back. “You need to shape up, Kaz, be one of the team instead of trying to get a leg over members of it.”

“Y-yeah, yes, boss. Understood.”

“Don’t give me cause to remind you again.” Snake turned to leave, not before retrieving his stubbed out cigar from the ashtray. He stopped at the door and turned back to say, “And see if we can’t squeeze in that assassin job into the schedule, too.” He left without waiting for Kaz’s reply.

 

*

The monthly group birthday celebration the MSF put on was Kaz’s idea. Get all of that month’s need for distraction out in one go and make those few soldiers whose birthdays landed in that time feel a bit special. It was amazing how serving slightly better food than usual, bringing out some crates of cheap local bear and giving the men a chance to let their hair down improved morale exponentially. It was worth the minor reshuffling of the budget.

And the best part, everyone knew Kaz was the one behind it.

Kaz laughed and gave a few hollow protests before accepting his fifth beer that was pressed into his hand. He took a large swig from the bottle and the men gathered around him gave a loud cheer, a few clapping him on the back. During these things he was given almost as much attention as those whose actual birthday it was and Kaz couldn’t help but bask in it. It was like being the boss for a few nights of the year.

Hidden behind his glasses, his eyes swivelled around the area until they fixed upon the spot they kept returning to. It was where Snake sat on the far side of the small camp, lounging alone on a bench and nursing the same beer he’d started the evening with. His attention was focused on Kaz, as it had been for most of the night. Kaz had made sure of that.

He’d stayed clear of any women, not wanting that kind of attention from Snake, and instead focused his efforts on the men around him. He’d become much more tactile, draping himself over anyone that would allow it as he talked, or pressing up against them to whisper some dirty joke in their ear. He spoke loudly when he addressed the group that surrounded him and hung on his every word, and let his laugh carry. It was pathetic and he’d probably be more than a little embarrassed about it in the morning, but he’d had Snake’s attention all evening so at that moment he felt untouchable.

Ever since that last meeting, ever since he’d felt that strange, heated thrum of tension between them, Kaz had been obsessed with the idea of getting Snake’s hands on him again, and tonight he seemed sure it would happen.

It was fairly late when Snake eventually rose from his seat and made his way through the crowd towards Kaz’s group. Kaz pretended not to notice, even though it was what he had been waiting for all night.

“Kaz,” Snake said, placing a hand on his elbow, silencing the chatter of group, “can I steal you for a moment?”

“Can’t we talk here, Snake?” Kaz asked, feigning ignorance.

“Nah,” Snake said, flashing the circle a wide, playful grin that they returned, “don’t want to bore the guys with shop talk.”

“Alright, alright,” Kaz said with a mock sigh, “here, keep my drink for me, will ya?” He handed his bottle over to someone but didn’t bother remembering their face. Hopefully he wouldn’t be coming back for it anyway.

He followed Snake as he weaved his way back through the crowd, ignoring all the shouts to join in with party aimed both at him and Snake. Snake lead them away from the celebrations back to the cluster of cabins and tents used for sleeping quarters. Kaz’s pulse quickened.

The light from the camp barely reached them this far. Only the moon that always looked huge on clear nights like this gave them any visibility. Kaz should take off his sunglasses, should have done it hours ago, but he liked the freedom they gave him to watch unnoticed.

“If you want to talk work, Snake, maybe we should head to my office. I don’t have any notes on me or anything,” Kaz said, still playing dumb. He stumbled over something which upon further inspection turned out to be his own foot. Maybe the playing dumb wasn’t only just pretending.

“Do you _really_ want to do work now, Kaz?” Snake asked without turning back around.

“Fuck no,” Kaz laughed, then tripped again. He staggered over to the back of one of the huts and pressed himself up against it to remain steady. Rolling onto his back, he spread his arms wide against the cool wood. “Shit, I’m dizzy, ” he laughed, letting his head fall back with a dull thud. “Let me know when the world stops spinning and I can open my eyes.”

“Not too good at holding your booze, are you?” Snake said, sounding amused. He walked over to Kaz, folding his arms as he watched him.

“Hey, fuck you, Mr One Beer. ‘Least I’m having fun.”

“I’ll remind you of how much fun you had when you’re puking your guts out in the morning.”

“Oh yeah?” Kaz cracked an eye open to look at Snake with a grin. He looked almost monstrous in the dark with most of his face in shadow, every bit the beast the rumours depicted him as. Only the glint of his eye gave any indication there was a human there at all. Kaz didn’t feel afraid though. “You going to hold my hair for me, too?”

“Might even rub your back if you ask nicely.” Kaz laughed, deep and satisfying. He ran a hand unthinkingly up his exposed stomach and only then realised he must have unbuttoned his shirt at some point. That was a good idea, he thought, as he caught Snake’s gaze following the movement.

“So, as you didn’t come out here to discuss work, and you can't have just asked me out here to reprimand my drinking habits, I gotta ask, Snake, just what was it you really wanted to talk about?”

Snake huffed out a chuckle and looked back towards the camp for a moment. He cut a striking profile in this light. “That’s what I like about you, Kaz. You always skip straight past the bullshit when you need to.” 

“Is that the only thing you like?” He was being too obvious, he knew it from the moment he said it, but perhaps the time for subtlety was over. They were, after all, sneaking around the sleeping barracks alone in the dark.

“I know what you were doing tonight.”

“What, having fun? Do you need tips?” 

“You’re good with the men,” Snake continued, ignoring Kaz’s comment, “you know how to show them a good time. They appreciate that.”

“What can I say, I like making people happy.”

“Well, they’ll be talking about this one for a while, that’s for sure.” Snake placed a hand on the cabin wall just by Kaz’s head and leaned in. Kaz hid his satisfied smile by dragging his teeth over his bottom lip and tilting his head up so their noses touched just enough to look accidental. “But I don’t think all of that tonight was for their benefit though, was it?”

Their closeness was distracting enough for it to take Kaz a moment to process Snake’s words. When he did he laughed, breathy a low. “What do you mean? Of course it was.”

“Yeah? Even all that hair tossing you were doing?” 

Kaz gave an awkward huff of laughter. He struggled to think of a smart reply. Snake had thrown him. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go, he wasn’t supposed to know. Kaz couldn’t think properly with Snake so close. He turned his head away from where Snake was caging him, needing to breathe in some clear air that didn’t smell like him.

“I was just joking around,” he said finally, giving a faltering smile. “Y’know, just having some fun.” 

“Having some fun,” Snake repeated back. “And what were you hoping would happen when I took you back here? More fun, I guess.”

“Geeze, Snake, I don’t know!” Kaz said, voice losing its easy, seductive quality to sound a shade away from panic. “You’re the one who dragged us out here, not me.”

“You’re right, Kaz, I was.” Snake hooked a finger around the bridge of Kaz’s glasses and dragged them down his nose to stare into his wide eyes. Now when Kaz stared into his sole gleaming eye, he was afraid. “I’m the one who decided to bring us out there, not you. You know, I do admire your tenaciousness. I like the way you’re always looking for an angle or some way to work the situation to your advantage. You’ve got the knack for playing people and it’s good for business. But I need you to understand that it won’t work on me.” Kaz swallowed. “I’m not something that you can bend or manipulate, not like the boys back there you had eating out the palm of your hand. I’m your partner and your boss, do you understand that?”

Kaz nodded once.

“I’m going to need to hear you to say it, Kaz.”

“Yes, boss, I understand.”

“Good.” He straightened, moving his hand to cup Kaz’s jaw then give his neck a friendly pat. The action was strangely comforting, a soothing point of human contact from a man who was anything but. “We’re done here. You can go rejoin the party if you want. After all, you organised it.” 

“Is that an order, boss?” Kaz asked quietly.

“If it needs to be. I think you’re starting to sober up.”

Humiliation and shame burned hot under Kaz’s skin as he watched the burly mass of his boss walking back towards his men, leaving Kaz alone in the dark.

*

Rain had been forecast for over a week and yet they still hadn’t seen a drop of it yet. The air was humid and close, waiting for a storm to break it. It made the whole base feel tense and slightly uneasy, as if everyone was waiting for something to happen beyond just the rain.

Kaz had consumed himself with work to distract himself from the atmosphere and his boss. Snake had put in a request for a new truck with better armor to take out on missions. Their current one had been around long before even Kaz had been recruited and was sufficient enough just for transport, but it was weak on protection. On a recent mission in it, one of their best medics had caught a stray bullet to the shoulder and it seemed like only a matter of time before it resulted in a casualty. The idea that it could be Snake was unthinkable.

It was a more than fair request; it was something the base clearly needed and keeping their men as safe as possible out in the field was a top priority. Even so, no matter how much he tried, Kaz couldn’t find a way to reconfigure the budget to afford it. 

He’d devoted every spare moment he had between his other duties trying to work out a new way to cut costs or shift expenses but no luck. He’d found that they could just about afford an upgrade to the original one but that just wasn’t good enough. Kaz wanted so desperately to give this to Snake. He’d barely been able to look him in the eye lately and he avoided him as much as possible outside their work. Even if Snake acted like nothing was wrong, Kaz knew damn well it was. 

It was like being in an awful purgatory, where Snake wasn’t outright angry with him but it wasn’t like how it used to be. Kaz had convinced himself that if he could only find a way to succeed in getting Snake the truck, he’d be redeemed in his eyes. 

That was why he was up well past three in the morning the night before Snake was due to deploy for the next job, still trying to work out a new budget. He didn’t want to leave things as they were before he left. He felt like he’d go mad over-thinking in that time Snake was gone if he did. 

Kaz was currently on his ninth attempt of reshuffling in a matter of days and the words written in crisp typeface before him were starting to lose their meaning. He was just starting to wonder how badly the med bay really needed all that expensive medicine, when he threw down his pen with a curse, defeated. The sad fact was, they just didn’t have the funds at the moment. 

“Still burning the midnight oil, I see.” Kaz looked up to see Snake standing in the doorway. He was out of his usual uniform and dressed simply in a vest and trousers.

“Snake, what the hell are you doing up? You’re off in--” Kaz checked his watch and frowned -- “four hours!”

“Couldn’t sleep. Waiting for the rain to come. Think it’s making us all a little stir crazy.” Snake padded barefoot across the room then slumped down into his usual chair across from Kaz and stretched his legs out. “You know the guys even have a pool going on when it’ll start?”

Kaz clucked his tongue disapprovingly. “Ox’ll have started that no doubt.”

“Yeah,” Snake chuckled. “Dingo has it for tonight. I reckon she’ll get it.”

“I don’t know,” Kaz leaned back in his chair with a sigh, “I’m starting to feel like it’ll never come and we’ll just be stuck with this damned heat forever.”

“Nothing stays the same forever, Kaz. I’ll be over soon.”

“It only feels like forever.”

“It’s keeping you up too then?”

“Nah, it’s just--” Kaz paused, feeling hesitant to admit how much effort he’d put into his failed attempts but there wasn’t much point lying about it now. “I’m still trying to find a way to get that truck you asked for. The budget’s being a little stubborn about it, though. Keeps asking for more money.”

Snake hummed. “It’ll do that, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry, boss. I don’t think it’s going to happen. Maybe next quarter.” Kaz felt defeated saying it out loud but unless he could suddenly pull thirty grand out of his ass, he was done.

“It’s OK, Kaz. I know if there was a way to get it, you would have found it.”

“No, it’s not OK,” Kaz said frustratedly. “It’s my _job_ to find a way to get it.”

“No, it’s your job to run this place as best you can. If there’s no money for it, there’s no money. Don’t waste any more time on it. Like you said, we’ll try again next quarter.”

Kaz smiled, feeling a rush of affection for the man. That’s what the men loved about the boss, he was always fair. “You’ve got a way of making things sound so simple, Snake,”

“Maybe it’s ‘cus I’m a simple guy.”

“No, you’re not. You’re the most unfathomable person I’ve ever met.”

Snake scoffed, running a hand over his scruffy beard. “You need to get out more, Kaz, meet more people.”

“Probably, but then who’d be here to do the budget?”

“You’re right, maybe you should just stay here and keep trying to work me out.” They grinned at each other over the desk, wide and genuine. It felt good talking like this again. Kaz had made it awkward between them, getting ridiculous notions into his head, but hopefully they were getting back to normal.

In the distance they heard a quaking rumble, then the pattering sound of rain began drumming on the roof above them.

“Look at that, seems like Dingo’s getting the money after all.” Kaz watched as the rain began to pour down the window, washing away the dust and grime that coated the glass. He glanced over to Snake and saw that he was also entranced by the sight. He looked peaceful, almost harmless, out of his uniform and relaxed in his chair with that soft, restful expression on his face. Kaz wanted to always remember him just like this.

“It’s going to be fun driving out in this,” Snake said eventually into the comfortable silence. “At least now it’ll be harder for people to see us to shoot at us.”

Kaz snorted. “Yeah, well, that’s the best protection you’re going to get until that truck upgrade.” He took off his glasses to rub at his weary eyes, suddenly feeling bone tired. Maybe he’d actually be able to get some rest now things were a little clearer with Snake. 

He noticed Snake staring at him thoughtfully and suddenly felt self conscious. “I know it’s late but I don’t look that shitty, do I?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just, you can really tell your heritage in your eyes.”

“Oh yeah, half of Japan is walking around with bright blue eyes,” Kaz joked, feeling a little uncomfortable.

“I mean despite that. Sometimes it’s easy to forget you’re Japanese at all. You should take your glasses off more.”

“Yeah, well, maybe that’s the reason I wear them.” It had meant to sound like a joke but it came out a little too bitter. Snake was frowning slightly and it looked like he had more to say on the matter, so Kaz hastily push his glasses back on and stood. “Well, Snake, you now have no excuse not to go get some sleep.”

“I guess you’re right.” They both made their way to the door and looked out at the long strip of road between them and their quarters.

“Maybe this rain isn’t such a good thing after all,” Kaz sighed. “My hair’s gonna be ruined.”

Snake snorted, then bumped his shoulder against Kaz’s. “Race you to your quarters?”

“What, are you serious?” Snake was already adopting a runner’s starting position. He grinned at Kaz.

“Scared you’ll lose?”

The confusion of seeing Snake in a playful mood lifted and suddenly all Kaz could think was how much he wanted to beat him in something. “Not on your life,” he shot back, mimicking his stance.

“OK, three, two, one… go!” 

Their feet smacked against the wet ground as they shot out of the cabin; Snake’s bare and nimble, Kaz’s boot clad and hard. The rain was heavy, thick and unforgiving. It was like running underwater, making Kaz so much more aware of what his body was doing, the way his legs were propelling him forwards, how his arms worked by his sides. Wet droplets ran down his neck, into his open, panting mouth, streaming over his glasses so he could barely see. 

And yet he found himself laughing. Unfiltered, unabashed and carefree, it rippled out of him as easy as breathing. The simple liberating act of running just for the sake of it seemed to arise a feeling of euphoria in him that he hadn’t felt in far too long. Next to him, over the sound of the rain, he could hear Snake laughing too.

Through his waterlogged vision, he could see the brown blur of his cabin rapidly coming into view but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t will his body to slow down or even hesitate. Snake was just visible in his peripherals and it seemed like Kaz was just beating him by less than a hair. The idea of actually winning against Snake sent another thrill through him and he worked his legs even harder. He didn’t slow down even as he lept through the porch of his cabin and rather ungraciously bounced off the door. 

“Fuck,” he laughed, stumbling back and rubbing at his shoulder. He looked around for Snake and found him beside him, leaning up against to porch railing to get his breath back. 

“Think you just had it, Kaz,” Snake said through a huff of laughter. “I didn’t know you had that in you.” He gave Kaz a friendly cuff on the shoulder and Kaz soaked up the admiration and let it warm him from the inside out.

“I guess there’s still a few things you need to find out about me, too,” Kaz said breathlessly, leaning back against the wall opposite with a grin still plastered over his face.

“Yeah, guess there is.” Kaz looked out at the rain that was still falling down like bullets as the blood pounded in his ears steadily drummed out all his neurosis.

“Here,” Snake murmured, and Kaz turned just in time to see him reached out to pluck the glasses from his face.

“Wha-”

“They’re drenched, Kaz,” Snake explained calmly. “I don’t know how you were still even seeing anything from them.”

“Oh, right. Thanks.” Kaz watched Snake’s large hands delicately handle his glasses, turning them over to dry them off on the inside of his vest. It was always surprising to see the man capable of gentleness. “You didn’t have to.”

“I know.” Snake folded them as carefully as he would if he were handling a bomb, and slipped them into Kaz’s breast pocket. His hand lingered afterwards, covering them protectively where they lay against Kaz’s chest. 

“Kaz.” He looked up from Snake’s hands to see him staring unwaveringly at him, his sole eye boring into Kaz’s naked ones, his black patch a blank implication. “You don’t need to hide from me. There doesn’t need to be any pretence. Not with me.” His voice was the rumbling thunder to accompany the rain, and who was Kaz to deny something so elemental? “I happen to like you just the way you are.”

“I’ll- I’ll try to remember that, boss.”

“It’s Snake, Kaz.”

“Yeah, alright, Snake. Thanks.” Snake gave him one last pat, before letting his hand fall away.

“I like seeing you laugh, Kaz. We should run together more often.”

“Yeah,” Kaz smiled. “We should.”

 

*

There had been some noise along the grapevine that one of the larger gangs in the area had recently moved on from their compound not far up from the MSF’s. Kaz was always on the lookout for a new location for them as their current one was right on the coast, making them completely vulnerable to any attacks from the sea. This new one was larger, more strategically placed and sounded like just what they needed. Kaz didn’t want to waste any time so he took a small team of Snake, a driver and another man up there to do some recon. 

It was half a day’s drive through the jungle and when they eventually arrived, all they found at the coordinates was rubble and ash. 

Kaz whistled low as he got out the truck, taking off his glasses to properly survey the damage. “Jesus, what in the hell happened here? Rival gang?”

Snake picked through a mound of debris. “No sign of any bodies. I think this was just a going away present.” 

“They did this themselves?” 

“Look at the extensive fire damage to the buildings,” Snake said, gesturing to the rubble. “There’s barely any sound structures left, yet the surrounding trees remain unharmed. This was a controlled fire, deliberate and precise, maybe to keep anyone else from using the base, or to hide whatever they were doing here.”

“Well, fuck you very much.” Kaz flipped off the wreckage with both hands. There was no way for anyone to use this place now, not unless they had the resources to completely rebuild it, which MSF most certainly did not. “What a waste of our time.”

“Surprised we didn’t see the smoke from where we are. They must have done it at night when it’d be harder to see.”

“Right, well, if you’ve done playing detective, let’s get going.” Kaz snapped, feeling irritable. “If we hurry, I might be able to do something productive when we get back so we haven’t completely wasted an entire day.”

Snake stood dusting off his hands on his trousers. “You don’t want a moment to stretch your legs? It’s a long journey back.”

“And stay here breathing in all this soot? I’d rather get underway.” Snake shrugged and followed him back to the truck where the other two men were waiting. 

As they drove, Kaz made a mental note to cut off all connections to the sources who’d given him the tip off about the place. Any source that only gave you half the information wasn’t worth having. He’d wasted not only his own time but the boss’ as well. He was just glad Snake didn’t seem too angry about it.

After a while lost in thought, he realised Snake was grinning at him from where he sat opposite, rocking slightly with the motion of the moving truck. 

“What is it?”

“You,” Snake said through his smile. “You look funny when you sulk.”

Kaz frowned. “I’m not sulking.” 

Snake’s grin widened. “Yes, you are. And now you’re pouting.”

“I’m not --” Kaz realised he had his arms crossed and unfolded them -- “I’m not pouting either.”

“Hey, Vulture, what do you think, is Kaz pouting?” Snake asked the man sitting just along from Kaz. 

“If you say so, boss,” Vulture said with a slight smile.

“Well, excuse me for being upset we just spent our whole day on a wild goose chase,” Kaz huffed. Snake snorted and Kaz turned to see Vulture snickering too.

“I honestly don’t see what’s so --” Kaz was cut off by the truck violently jolting. The motion flung Kaz forwards and Snake threw up a hand to his chest to stop him from falling onto him. “What the fuck was that?” Kaz shouted.

“Sorry about that,” the driver called from the front. “Think we busted a tire.” 

Kaz swore under his breath as he shifted back onto his seat. “Well, isn’t that just typical. How long will it take to change?”

“Ten, fifteen minutes?”

“Relax, Kaz,” Snake said, settling back against the truck wall and closing his eye like he was about to take a nap. “You’ll be back to your paperwork soon enough.”

Kaz opened his mouth to give a snappy retort but was cut off by the driver slamming his door back shut and whirling round at them to scream “Get down!”

The air was then ripe with the sound of gunfire. Kaz felt a hand drag him down by his shirt onto the truck floor, then the solid wall of Snake’s body was pressing onto him. Bullets ripped through the body of the truck like it was tissue paper, blasting through where Kaz and Snake had been sitting seconds previously.

“Get us out of here, now!” Snake yelled to the driver. Kaz felt the rumble of his voice through where his chest was pressed against his back and tried to focus on that rather than the bullets still whizzing above their heads.

“Stay down,” Snake murmured to him as the engine started up again. He lifted up off him and began crawling down to the end of the truck.

Kaz did what he was told and pressed his forehead to the cool metal of the floor, trying to remain calm. He felt a wetness against his hand and turned his head to see a pool of blood steadily creeping towards him. He shifted around more and saw Vulture slumped on the floor, his chest a mess of dark red.

“Snake, Vulture’s been hit!” Kaz turned back to see Snake up on one knee firing his M653 out the end of the truck at the men pursuing them.

“Try and stop the bleeding,” Snake shouted, not turning around.

Kaz dragged himself over to Vulture on his forearms, the sound of guns ringing in his ears. When he reached him he saw he was pasty and his breathing raspy but still conscious.

“Sorry about this, commander,” Vulture said, smiling shakily up at Kaz. “Don’t want to be another thing to ruin your day.” 

Kaz forced a grin back. “You kidding? The amount of paperwork this stunt will cause that I’ll have to fill out. It’ll be like my idea of christmas.”

Vulture laughed which turned into a hacking cough, causing more blood to spew out of his chest. 

“OK, try not to talk now.” Kaz held a hand over the bullet hole in his chest as he looked around wildly for anything more substantial to stop the bleeding with. Upon seeing nothing, he ripped his scarf from his throat then pressed it to the wound.

Kad had never had to do anything like this before. He’d either had more qualified men around him to take care of it or not cared enough about the injured party to feel the need to help. It felt terrifying to be in complete control over someone’s life -- one of his men at that. Kaz watched Vulture’s blood trickle down his knuckles in a slight daze. 

Vulture then began shuddering underneath him, his breathing becoming more laboured. “Shh, it’s OK. You’re OK. You’re going to be fine.” 

“Got a hole in my chest, commander,” Vulture said through gritted teeth. “Think I’m done.”

“No, you’re not, you’re going to be fine. I’m here.” He reached up to brush some of Vulture’s sweat slick hair out of his face in an attempt to be soothing and ended up smearing blood across his forehead. Kaz felt sick.

“Think we’re clear,” Snake said, clambering back over to them. It was only then that Kaz realised he could no longer hear any gunfire. “How’s he doing?”

“I don’t --” Vulture was still under him, his face slack. “I’m not --”

“Here, move out the way,” Snake said, voice painfully gentle.

Kaz tightened his grip on the blood soaked scarf. “I shouldn’t let go. I need to stop the bleeding.”

“It’s OK, let me have a turn.” Snake’s hand on his inner elbow finally made him move. He shifted up to sit back on the bench, careful not to touch anything with his bloody hands. It felt disrespectful to wipe them off on his clothes so he just sat with them turned up on his lap.

Snake began chest compressions and Kaz watched him for a long time before Snake eventually sat back on his heels, his shoulders slumped, breathing heavy. He just sat there for a moment, head bowed, before clambering up. His body showed signs of weariness that Kaz had never seen before as he collapsed back onto the seat opposite him.

“Give it a few miles then we’ll stop and replace the tire,” Snake told the driver. He nodded without a word.

“What was that? An ambush?” Kaz asked, wanting anything to take his mind off the body lying a few feet away from him. 

“I don’t know, maybe. There weren’t that many of them but they all had guns. Might have been waiting out here for someone to come check out the camp, or maybe we just got unlucky.”

“I should have suspected something like this,” Kaz said bitterly. “I should have guessed.”

Snake reached into his chest pocket and pulled out a cigar. “Here.”

“You know I don’t smoke those things, Snake.”

“For the nerves. It’ll stop your hands shaking.” Kaz looked down and saw that his hands were indeed trembling where they lay in his lap.

“Oh. Right,” he said flatly, taking the cigar from Snake with bloody fingers. He placed it between his teeth and leaned forwards into the lit match Snake offered out to him.

He drew in the smoke, letting it swirl around his mouth, then grimaced. “Shit, that’s disgusting,” he said, exhaling with a slight cough.

Snake chuckled then took it from Kaz and sucked in a long drag from it himself. “Yeah, it takes some getting used to.”

They sat in silence for a while, just sharing the smoke, listening to the steady thump of the flat tire and the growl of the engine.

When they stopped to change the tire they found two large crooked nails embedded in the rubber.

“So it was an ambush then,” Kaz said, feeling numb.

“Looks like it,” Snake said flatly. Kaz sat up the front with the driver for the rest of the journey.

It was still light when they eventually made it back, something Kaz would usually have been pleased about but now he only hated that they’d have more of an audience for this. Bringing back a casualty from a recon mission, almost unheard of.

Snake was the first out the truck, jumping from it almost before it’d even stopped. Kaz listened to him barking orders to the men for a while, then took a steadying breath and pulled open the door. He was met with a hand to his chest stopping him when he made to go help with the body. “Go get yourself cleaned up. You’re a mess. The men don’t need to see that.”

“But you’re covered in it too.” Snake’s hands were smeared with blood right up to his elbows.

“Yeah, but they’re used to it from me. Go on, that’s an order.”

Kaz walked head strong through the camp, ignoring the few curious stares sent his way, and went straight to the pump shower. Under the weak spray, he watched the red run down his body and swirl in a pool below him before it eventually drained away. He’d been around blood plenty in his life, it was just the nature of the job and the times he lived in, so he wasn’t sure why he was so fascinated with it now.

When he left his cabin in a fresh uniform sometime later, Snake was there waiting for him.

“Let’s go for a walk,” was all he said before he led Kaz away through the camp to the beach where the soldiers trained. They walked until they could hardly see the guards on duty on the premimiter. 

Kaz looked out across the ocean, watching where the sun just crested along the line of the horizon. The sky was a mottled bruise of yellows, reds and purples. It was almost criminally beautiful. It felt unjust that he could be here amongst all this beauty when Vulture was lying on a cold table in the med tent. Kaz stared at the bright shrinking sun until his eyes watered.

“I know how you’re feeling right now,” Snake said quietly next to him.

“Yeah?” Kaz said, unable to tear his eyes away from the view.

“You’re feeling guilty.”

Kaz laughed bitterly. “Yeah, that usually happens when something’s your fault.”

“Kaz, look at me.” Snake’s hand tugged at his shoulder, forcibly turning him so he was facing him.

Kaz stared back at him, looking at Snake properly for the first time since they’d got back. He looked tired and bloody but apart from that he was still every inch the leader that every soldier here, including Kaz, would follow into anything.

“Say that to me again, Kaz. Say it like you really mean it.” Kaz nodded. He couldn’t deny him, not now.

“It’s my fault,” he said, voice cracking slightly. He cleared his throat and said it again, louder. “It’s my fault.” 

The punch caught Kaz completely unawares. His jaw took the brunt of it, snapping his head to the side. He stumbled slightly to the left, cradling his face.

“Fuck!” He whirled around to stare at Snake, eyes wide with confusion and hurt. Snake just stood there passively, looking neither angry nor pleased with Kaz’s reaction.

“It’s good that you feel guilty,” he said calmly, continuing their conversation like nothing had happened. “It shows that you care and it’s going to hurt for a while. I don’t think you’ve ever been in charge of anything you really cared about before. You’ve never felt the weight of another man’s life, or the consequences of losing it. It’ll make you think that maybe you deserve to be hurt by this too; for fucking up, for still being alive, it doesn’t matter.”

“You think I fucked up?” Kaz asked, almost afraid to know the answer.

“Maybe you did, maybe you didn’t,” Snake shrugged. “This is about how you feel. Think of it like balancing the books.”

Kaz nodded and took his place back opposite Snake. After a thought, he pocketed his sunglasses.

“So, do you want to say it again?”

Kaz swallowed and braced himself then said “I let Vulture die.” This time he knew the hit was coming but it didn’t make it any easier to take. A sharp backhand across his cheekbone, leaving him slightly dazed. After he regained his balance, he returned to his spot once again.

“How did you let him die?”

“I rushed the operation, didn’t scout the area enough, didn’t do enough research. I left us vulnerable.”

Another slap opened up his bottom lip and Kaz sucked down the blood greedily. This time after the hit, he didn’t need to be prompted. 

“I didn’t find a way to get us a new vehicle. We were left with the old one with low defense. We didn’t stand a chance against those guns.”

This punch connected with his nose with a sickening crunch. He staggered back, almost falling but he managed to keep his balance. He didn’t even get back in position before he continued again. “I let you down.”

This hit floored him. It caught him right on the jaw, sending him flying. He sprawled out in the sand, unable to concentrate on anything beyond the loud ringing his ears that didn’t clear for a while. When he managed to sit up, Snake was standing over him, expression blank.

“After today, Kaz, you can’t let your grief show. The men can’t see you like this. I know it seems cold to ignore the loss of a life but it is our duty to every other man out there to shoulder the burden of it and continue as normal. We need to be strong for them. You can’t let the hurt show.”

“I understand, boss.” And Kaz did. If Snake hadn’t been there for him like this today, Kaz didn’t know what he would have done. He needed to mirror Snake’s strength, he needed to be a force like him.

“Do you think you need another?” Snake asked, holding out a hand that was covered in Kaz’s and Vulture's blood. Kaz reached out and clasped it tightly.

“I’ll take whatever you’ll give me, boss.”

 

*

 

Kaz stood when their man entered the restaurant, fixing on his most charming smile, and surreptitiously nudged Snake where he was still slouched in the corner of their booth for him to do the same. 

“Señor Huerta,” he greeted warmly, taking the man’s hand in a firm shake. “I can’t thank you enough for taking the time to meet with us.”

“The pleasure is all mine, Señor Miller. I’m glad to have the chance to thank you and your boss in person for the work you did for me last month. My colleagues and I were most pleased.”

Huerta then turned to Snake and put on a show of wincing at his grip. “Oof, still as strong as I remember you being, Señor Snake,” he laughed. Snake’s mouth gave a twitch.

“Please sit, Señor. I took the liberty of ordering us some wine.”

“Ah, the _Gran Reserva_ , my favourite,” Huerta said, admiring the bottle’s label. “Someone’s been doing their homework.”

“I always do. May I?” Kaz took the bottle and filled Huerta’s glass liberally. He then sat, smoothing out his pristine white shirt. He’d spent a little extra to look good for tonight; new shirt, pressed navy trousers, polished leather loafers, a gold chain just visible at his open collar. He needed to look every bit the successful business owner. 

As for Snake, well, there wasn’t really much Kaz could to do but stick him in a black shirt and trousers and hope for the best. Nothing could be done about his wild hair and beard that he refused to trim. Kaz had just been thankful he’d agreed to remove the bandana. 

Sitting in the corner of the most expensive restaurant in Venezuela, in clothes that he was clearly uncomfortable in, Snake currently looked rather like a bear at a circus that was trotted out in a ruff to do tricks. 

“What shall we drink to?” Huerta asked, holding his glass aloft in a toast.

“How about ‘to new friends’?” Kaz said, lifting his own glass. 

“Ah, yes, I like that. To new friends” Huerta took a long drink then smacked his lips appreciatively. “ _Reserva_ always goes down well. Now, Señor Miller, I do not suppose you came all the way to Venezuela just for the wine, lovely though it is.”

Kaz smiled. “No, we haven’t, but let us eat before all that. We can’t talk business on an empty stomach.” Kaz made to signal for the waiter but Huerta held up a hand to stop him. 

“Forgive me, but I have a wife at home waiting up for me that I must return to. She already complains that I neglect her, you know how it is, so please, let us get straight to the business.”

“Of course. Those of us in our line of work sometimes forget the responsibilities of the family man.” 

“Ah, but I know what you young, handsome men are like. I was in the army once too, you know. You must get up to all sorts of fun, I cannot say I’m not a little jealous.” Huerta gave a broad grin. “Of course, I am an old married man now, and those days are behind me.” He flashed them a wink, then laughed loud and abrasive. 

Kaz gave a slightly stilted laugh back, deliberately avoiding Snake’s eye as he absently ran his fingers up and down the stem of his glass. “If we ever found the time, Señor.” He took a sip of wine, wetting his lips. He actually felt nervous, something that rarely happened to him before a pitch. 

“To business, then,” he continued, anxious to change subjects. “It is our understanding that your country’s weapons import contract is up for renewal and you are still considering all options.” He pulled briefcase out from under the table and extracted a thin file. “We would very much like to be part of your consideration.”

Huerta held up a hand. “I’m going to stop you there, Señor Miller, and respectfully decline your offer.”

“I know it may seem odd at first considering your previous interactions with our group, but I assure you, we are a very versatile organisation. If you’d only look at our proposal I think you’ll find that we are more than capable of the task and are offering an irrefutably good deal.” He tapped the file with a finger. “It’s best one that’ll cross your desk, I guarantee.”

“I’m sure you would do an excellent job, gentlemen, but there is simply no way for my government to hire you.” 

“I do not understand,” Kaz said, giving a very good fake smile. “You yourself had no problem about hiring us before, were you not happy with the work provided?”

“Oh, no, no. As I said, you did fine work, just fine. It’s just that we cannot risk our country’s reputation on such a deal.”

Kaz and Snake shared a look. “Excuse my bluntness, Señor, but I have it on good authority that you are looking at… less traditional organisations for this particular job.”

Huerta chuckled humorlessly, swirling his wine around his glass. “You certainly have done your homework, Señor Miller. You have heard, then, that I have been talking to _El Demonio Cruces_. It is true, I am considering them as an option. But you see, they are an established institution that has run in this country for many generations. You are… inexperienced, to say the least. If I took your name to my colleges, I would be laughed out of the office.”

“You know what good work our operation can do. You know what he can do.” Kaz jabbed his thumb at Snake, who had remained silent for the entire encounter and was staring unreadably at Huerta. “We are the best choice for this job and you know it.”

Huerta laughed then took a long drink from his wine before saying, “Your _operation_ is several huts in the middle of a jungle run by a jap and a foreigner. It would be nothing less than an insult to our government and our people to have you work for this country.”

There was a loud groaning screech as Snake stood abruptly, forcing the table back and making it’s legs scrape against the floor. He was glaring down at Huerta, his mouth a thin, contemptuous line. Huerta at least had the sense to stop looking so smug and start looking scared. Kaz’s hand jumped to Snake’s arm and squeezed warningly. After an other little tug, Snake slowly sat back down, not taking his eye off Huerta.

“You knew why we asked you to meet with us, didn’t you?” Kaz said, voice deceptively calm. “Why even agree if you were never even going to hear us out?”

“As I said before,” Huerta said sounding a little shaken but doing his best to not appear so. “I wanted to do you the courtesy of thanking you for your last job in person.”

“Well, thank you for your _courtesy_ ,” Kaz spat, anger suddenly getting the better of him. He leant over the table to speak low so only Huerta could hear his next words. “But we’re the _Militaires Sans Frontières_ and one day very soon that’s going to mean something more than you and your little government. We have a long fucking memory so didn’t think we’re going to forget this.”

Huerta looked a shade less tanned. “You would do well to remember you are still only a guest in this country. Threatening an official is an arrestable offence.”

“You’d better get out of my sight, then.”

Huerta rose, buttoning his jacket. “It is a shame that we are parting ways on such unpleasant terms, gentleman. Do not expect much business in Venezuela in the future.”

“I don’t think we’d be getting any to start with,” Kaz shot at his retreating back. A few other patrons turned to look at them but quickly averted their gaze once they got a look at Snake.

“Well… fuck,” Kaz said bluntly, slumping back against his chair. “He never intended to hear us out, this was all a goddamn set up. I bet he’s scurrying off to meet up with El Demonio Cruces as we speak, and now that we’ve so kindly given him the prospect of another bidder for the job, I think they’ll be open to some more negotiation of costs.”

Kaz swore again under his breath and kick the chair Huerta had just exited. He had an apology to Snake ready to follow but for some reason he just couldn’t bring himself to say it. The venture had been a risky one, everyone had known it going into it, but along the way Kaz had convinced himself this would be the job that would send them into the big leagues. He’d spent days crafting the proposal, it was perfect, air tight. He’d known there was no way anyone could turn it down...

“Come on,” Snake said, suddenly standing and giving Kaz a prompting nudge. “We’re getting a drink someplace else.”

‘“Yeah --” Kaz stood, throwing down a wad of bills on the table to cover the wine -- “We can’t afford this place anymore anyway.”

They went to the nearest and cheapest looking bar they could find. It was dark, hot and loud. Smoke from a dozen cigarettes make the humid air thick and hazy. A few couples were dancing in the middle of the floor to tinny music coming from an old record player. Kaz watched them as Snake ordered a bottle of tequila.

“You sure about this, boss?” Kaz asked, as Snake poured him out a shot. “You yourself said I can’t hold my booze.”

“Yeah, that’s for you,” Snake slid him the shot across the scuffed countertop. “And the bottle’s for me.”

Kaz laughed and downed the shot. It went down hot and easy into his belly, numbing the shame that was still thick just a little.

They tucked themselves away in a corner table to lick their wounds in private. They skirted the subject of the night’s events for a while, instead making their way through the bottle on light conversation and easy laughs. Kaz was just pouring them out another shot when Snake stopped him with a hand to the wrist.

“Listen Kaz, just before we both get too drunk… we don’t have to have a talk about what just happened, do we?” Snake’s voice didn’t sound reproaching, but it still made Kaz’s stomach sink down to his knees. 

“What do you mean?”

Snake chuckled and rubbed wearily at his good eye. “How can you ask me that, Kaz, when the last time you fucked up you nearly went into shock, and the time before that you almost worked yourself to death trying to fix it?”

Kaz opened his mouth to say something, then when nothing came he closed it again. They hadn’t talked about either of those two incidences again after they’d happen, and to have them thrown in his face again after yet another blunder staggered him. Only Snake could make him feel this out of sorts, this throw out of loop, this _ashamed_. He wished he hadn’t had those last few shots so he could actually _think_.

“Kaz, it’s fine, I’m not angry with you,” Snake said, and Kaz hated himself a little for how those words eased the panic inside him. “You worked hard on this deal and no risk, no reward, right?” He sighed, sounding tired, and ran a hand down his craggy face. Kaz had never seen him looking so… human. It was nice not being the only one on display for once. “Look, I’m not saying this to embarrass you, I just worry about you.”

Kaz blinked a him and repeated what he had said slowly over in his head. He felt like his ears were ringing. “You… worry about me?”

“Not about whether you’re capable of doing your job or not, no, you’re still doing good work. Just about you. For you.”

“Snake, I’m- I’m touched, but I swear, I’m fine,” Kaz said, feeling dazed. “Really.”

“Okay,” Snake said simply. He was rolling his shot glass in his hand, making the last of the tequila in it swirl up the sides. “Y’know, when a mission goes wrong, the only way you should dwell on it is to assess where it went wrong. No emotion in it, just the facts. Helps you get better.” He knocked back the last of his drink then turned his eye back to Kaz. “What was it this time?”

Kaz swallowed and tried to focus his still reeling mind back to the job. “The client was dodgy,” he said slowly, head still feeling thick. “He played us to get leverage.”

“Was that something you could have controlled? Something you could have foreseen?”

“I could have… done more researched. Looked into what his deal with El Demonio Cruces really was. Had more intel.”

“All you would have found there is that a deal existed, that much you already knew. Huerta was screwing both of us over, he wasn’t about to leave evidence of it anywhere. As it was, you found out what their group was offering him and made a better deal, one he should have taken. Anything else?”

Kaz’s neck felt hot, a creeping sense of panic rose in him like he was failing some test Snake was laying out for him. “I-I could have done more background into Huerta.”

“We’d already worked with him before, what reason was there to think he wouldn’t want to again? You knew he was dirty, that was supposed to be working for us.” Snake huffed a laugh and nudged Kaz’s foot with his own under the table. “Shit, Kaz, stop looking so worried. I’m not trying to catch you out, I’m trying to show you that sometimes a job just gets fucked. Nothing you can do to prevent it, it’s just the way it’s going to go. You’re too hard on yourself. Usually I don’t mind because you push yourself to be better, but sometimes, sometimes, you just gotta accept things as they are.”

“I’ll try to remember that, Snake.” Kaz had never had much time for religion, but at this moment he imagined that this was what absolution felt like.

“Right, now that’s over, let’s get shit faced,” Snake said, pouring out Kaz another shot and Kaz laughed, light and genuine, as they clinked glasses.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm on [twitter](https://twitter.com/thorlokid) :^)


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